Guidelines to Living with Humans
by xingxing724
Summary: If you thought it was hard to live with an autobot try living with a human! If you haven't read "A Femme's War" might not make too much sense, enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**Hehe my second story (sort of) with Nyx, KT, Solara, Rogue, and Galea. **

**A Guide to living with Humans**

**To help future Autobots for Earths weird and strange beings, I, Nyx, Autobot femme Assassin extraordinaire, write this to physically (and mentally) prepare fellow Autobot's for the human species and their odd quirks and certain things to know before hand when arriving to NEST base.**

#1. Never let the Lambo or Chevy twins teach you english

(Enough said)

#2. Beware of dares, double dog dares, triple dog dares.

(Humans and bots will make you do nasty things, and Chickens are forbidden)

(not that I would know ;D )

(Skids and Mudflap have avoided me for a while after last weeks)

#3. Please for the love of Primus, make sure when you pick an alt mode that it does not look like an organic's car

(Jazz, Mirage)

(Apparently having a key shoved into the ignition hurts like the pit)

#4. Humans, especially sparkling humans, are not to be used for protection of any kind.

(This occurred after a particularly nasty prank with Ironhide and the lambo twins)

(They changed his cannons to shoot confetti, and grabbed Annabelle while running away from the P.O'ed weapons specialists )

(Sarah was none too pleased)

(Who knew the 5' 6" woman would scar the two 40' autobots?)

#5. Make sure you watch where you settle down for recharge

(Odds are you will get pranked, badly)

(Humans appear to have an endless supply of bumper stickers, spray paint, magnets, etc.)

(P.s. Sunny is the most fun to do this too, especially if you mess with his paint)

#6. Always ask what movie you will watch with humans before saying yes

(Red Alert and horror movies just don't go together)

(He glitched out, then kept all the lights on the base on, and wouldn't let anyone recharge after seeing Nightmare on Elm Street)

(Sadly there are no autobot energy drinks)

(P.s. wanna really freak him out, sing the song or play it on the P.A.)

(One two, Freddy's comming for you, three four, better lock your door)

#7. Three words, Beware Car washes

#8. No autobots are allowed to cook, unless an experienced human is on hand, and armed with a fire extinguisher

(This one was mine and Sides fault)

(Don't ask how we did it)

(We thought it would be fun to try and make cookies)

(They were out of the box cookies, how hard could it be?)

(Two hours later, we were covered in flour, the oven was on fire, and the cookies were moving)

(We are officially banned from kitchen)

#9. Silly String is banned from the base

(Sam, myself, and Chevy twin decided to get back at Galloway one day and bombard him with silly string)

(Unfortunately it wasn't Galloway who came through the door)

(Rogue had walked through instead)

(We landed in the med, missing certain parts of our bodies)

#10. When a human says they gotta go, they gotta go

(Annabelle and Ironhide)

(He attempted to tell her to be patient, but one can imagine, patience only lasts so long with a three year old)

#11. Meetings are important, please be sure to get plenty of recharge before coming

(Myself, KT, and Sunny had fallen into recharge after a long scouting trip)

(Unfortunately once again there are no autobot energy drinks for us)

(And Prowl being Prowl, thought it best to teach us a lesson, had everyone leave the base and shut off their signals)

(Needless to say the three of us freaked out and for 5 days tried to look for everybody across America)

#12. Don't prank the medic bots

(1. They don't have the time to be able to prank)

(2. If they can fix you up, then they can sure as hell take you apart)

(Slowly, painfully, and piece by piece)

(Galea still has Sunny's hands, one of Sides legs, and both Skids and Mudflaps optics)

(Don't ask me how she did it, I might loose my vocal processor in the middle of the night)

#13. Please watch your mouth around the younglings

(Will and Ironhide had quite the conniption after Annabelle called Galloway 'Mr. Fragface')

(When asked who taught her shrugged and said 'Optimus')

(Turns out it was the twins, who ended up getting the snot smacked out of them by Ironhide and Optimus)

(Blackmail is so much fun)

#14. If you can at all avoid hitting organic males between their legs

(According to Rachet and Galea, its holds something that are very important)

(Leo calls it "My pride and joy")

(Tai threw her shoes at him)

(Her aim has improved greatly might I add)

#15. Quoting Glee is okay, but please, for the love of Primus avoid Sue Sylvester ones and changing them so it works for you

_"I can't stand the sight of bots getting emotional, unless it's from physical exhaustion."_ Ironhide and Rogue

_"So you like show tunes. It doesn't mean you're gay. It just means you're awful."_ Jazz (apparently he doesn't like show tunes)

_"I'm gonna make it a habit to not stop and talk to Galloway because it has been a colossal waste of my time."_ Lennox

_"I'm reasonably confident you will be adding revenge to the long list of things you're no good at, right next to ruling decepticons, fighting a battle, and finding a paint job that doesn't make you look like a lesbian. Love ya like a sister."_ I yelled that to Megatron after a slight tussle with the cons (Sides begged Optimus to yell that to Megatron after a battle but he refused)

(Fun sucker)

_"I'm all about empowerment. I empower my men to live in a state of constant fear by creating an environment of irrational, random terror."_ General Morshower (He watches Glee?)

#16. As alien we are suppose to remain anonymous, that means no facebook, no myspace, no twitter, and please no formspring

(It bad to the point were no one could focus on one thing)

(Sunny, myself and Sides decided to keep poking Lennox and Epps on face book while in a meeting)

(Their phones kept going off in a meeting, with the president of the USA might I add)

#17. Remember the code word for when Rogue is in a bad mood is "RUN"

#18. No scaring or scarring the new recruits

(Rogue took an extreme and twisted delight in this task)

(Their code for her is "Tall, mean and green is on the scene")

#19. Never question my skills

(Prowl of all mechs decided to test me out, after I had a major clutz moment)

(He told me if I could get through the base without anyone catching me I would be free from rules for the month)

(He didn't think I would take him seriously though)

(Ohh I had tones of fun that Day :D)

#20. All Autobots on base are banned from having any type of pet or animal in their possession

(Wheeljack tried to justify having a llama)

(It was okay until it hacked a lugie at Galloway)

(Right in his face)

(Disgustingly satisfying)

**Hehe do I continue? Please lemme know!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hehe part two of the rules! The plot bunnies have been bouncing back and forth :) Read on!**

#21. Any party that is being held must be approved and given permission by Optimus, Solara, or Prowl

(Skids and Mudflap planned a party on the one night)

(Say what you will about those two but they know how to have a good time)

(Unfortunately they brought out the good high grade, and everyone had a cube or six)

(The humans unfortunately walked into a roomful of drunk robots)

(Ironhide, who had managed to down 8 cubes, had been singing The YMCA song, and doing dance)

(The look on Lennox's face was priceless)

(Though not as much as Ironhide's when he found out everyone has his little song and dance on dvd)

#22. Don't ask where human sparklings come from

(Just don't)

(Sam and Miles got a white board and tried to draw an example)

(Then Mikaela and Tai came in, and began to 'fix' their drawings)

(Result: Humor, and misinterpretations on a mass scale)

(Not to mention a very gross looking white board)

#23. When playing Wii please listen to the instructions and attach the straps to your wrist

(We had a slight incident the other day)

(Wheeljack had created bigger wii remotes for us bots, so we could enjoy the human games)

(Unfortunately we hadn't gotten the whole 'wrist' movement down, and were swinging our arms around)

(Sunny and Sides were engaged in a violent tennis match, and had forgotten to use the straps)

(Sides remote flew out and smack Ironhide who fell into Prowl, who fell into Prime who fell on Rogue)

(Dog pile!)

#24. Along with that rule, please watch your arms

(the medics don't appreciate banging dents out of us)

(especially because of video games)

#25. If the men of the base are going to have a drinking party don't/ ask them tell them the following

.Beer before wine makes you feel fine, wine before beer makes you feel queer

.Did you know the National Anthem is written to the tune of a drinking song?

.Did you know its illegal to feed beer to moose in Alaska and fish in Ohio?

.There is an alcohol cloud in outer space which could make four trillion trillion drinks

(Either you will get them all staring at you have them laughing on the floor)

(The beer before wine usually gets them riled up)

#26. When watching a movie please don't sit through the entire thing and point out every mistake that the humans made when filming it

(It got so bad that when Mikaela, Sarah, KT and some other human femmes were watching Twilight, Prowl had come in and began pointing put everything that was wrong)

(When we found him, he was hog tied, painted pink, and had a piece of paper taped to his forehead that said "Team Edward forever!" on it)

(Oh camera's were flashing left and right)

#27. Please for the love of Primus if you want to make it to the next stellar cycle, please do not touch any buttons in Wheeljacks lab

(Wheelie thought it would be funny to press the big red button)

(In any senario pressing the big red button is a bad idea, but did he listen? Noooo)

(After a big explosion from the south half of the base, we found him lying in pieces outside)

(His head was soon used to play a fierce kick ball game with)

(Not that I would know XD)

#28. Beware April First

(Humans have a holiday specially made for pranks)

(We younger bots have fully incorporated this into our schedules)

(Older bots, not so much)

#29. Never become a test subject for any of Wheeljack's experiments

(Once again this was my fault)

(Remember rules #6 and #11 with the whole no autobot energy drink thing?)

(Well, he got creative and I got curious)

(Solara's optics is still twitching, and Jazz is staying far far away from me)

(You don't wanna know what I did)

#30. When in Battle with Decepticons never yell the following

*We're screwed!*

*Dibs on the ugly one!* then reply with *Which one is the ugly one?*

*Sentry down!*

*I have one foot on me, and its going up all your asses!*

*Say hello to my little friends* (Ironhide's personal favorite for his cannons)

#31. Avoid playing extreme games of hide and go seek

(We may be big, but we know places to hide)

(We also can get stuck too)

(It took Bee hours to find us)

(I was crammed in vents, Sides was in the armory, and Sunny, who had the best, was in the Hachet's office)

(Needless to say, with additional dents to his helm)

#32. The following movies are not to be watched on tv, DVD, tapes, HBO, Hulu, or pirated

.Cars (They're not transformers for the last fragging time)

.Alice in Wonder land (Does this one honestly need a caption?)

.Toy Story 1, 2, or 3 (This resulted in the destruction of all of Annabelle's toys, and a very unhappy screaming three years old)

.Avatar (There is no tall blue people, and Lennox and his men were taken into be questioned by Red Alert about any other unknown government functions)

(That day didn't end so well)

#33. Refrain from doing this cheer

*1, 3, 5, 9, who do we think is mighty fine, PRIME!*

(It was funny at first until the lambo twins kept repeating it over and over)

#34. Learn Yo mamma jokes immediately upon arrival, examples are provided below

*Yo mamma is so old, that Unicron is in her year book!*

*Yo mamma is so ugly that even Rachet said "I WONT FIX THAT!"*

*Yo mamma is stupid that Prowl glitches just trying to understand her!*

(The jokes would continue but Prowl is glaring)

#35. Do not play the following songs while Ironhide is in the shooting range

.Blow by Ke$ha

.Blow me Away by Breaking Benjamin

.Crush Crush by Paramore

.Beethoven's 5th Symphony

.21 Guns by Green Day

.Six Feet Under the Stars by All Time Low

(He got a little violent when I played all six in one day)

#36. Don't let humans mess around with energon, especially the high grade

(Sharsky and Fassbinder nabbed some of Sunny high grade and managed to make it to their cars)

(Until one dropped)

(We all know what happened to the car, but the real question is what happened to Fassbinder and Sharsky?)

#37. Fireworks are forbidden from the base

(This one was Miles, Skids, and Mudflaps fault, not mine for once)

(After a trip to Indiana, they had come back with four boxes of them)

(What for might you ask?)

(Placing them in bots rooms and waking them up)

(Their defense when caught "We wanted to wake bots up with beautiful showers of colored sparkly shiny goodness")

(...)

#38. Never attempt anything that is shown or performed in Jackass

(Ever seen episode six, when Bam and Bran joust on BMX bikes?)

(Well, myself and Sides decided to attempt this, except in vehicle mode)

(We duck taped metal poles to the sides went at it)

(Rachet, Galea, Optimus, Solara, and Prowl were not happy)

(But Sam, Tai, Miles, and Leo were all placing bets at the same time)

(I held the better odds for winning, just for the record)

#39. Do not play these songs while Rachet is in the room or play them in his medbay

.Fever by Ella Fitzgerald

.Bring me to Life by Evanescence

.I Need a Doctor by Eminem ft Dr. Dre

.How to Save a Life by The Fray

.Awake and Alive by Skillet

.Monster Hospital by Metric

(The Hachet's aim has gotten better as of late)

#40. Please Optimus' Prime daughter, Tatyana Prime Witwicky is a perfect sane and nice human, stop contacting Galea and Rachet to give her mental health tests!

(She just has a different way of greeting people/bots okay?)

(But that one time with Ultra Magnus was the exception, that was just bad timing, on both parts)

**Thanxs for reading! Rules #24, 25, and 31 are based on several things that happened in my life (I still have the black eye from where my sister hit me when we played wii tennis) (and I recommend listening to some of the songs they are very good) If you have any ideas feel free to post 'em to me on reviews or messages**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter three rules! P.s. I don't own transformers, or Tatyana or Sparrow, the last two belong to Tatyana Witwicky**

#41. Please don't make a remix of a human song

(The ke$ha song Jazz did btw was amazing!)

(Wake up every morning feeling like a Prime)

(Got my visor, I'm out door, I'm gonna slag a 'con)

(Before I leave, brush my teeth with a fancy high grade)

(Cause when I leave for the fight, I'm still commin' back!)

(Gotta hand it to that musically inclined autobot)

#42. Always knock before entering the medbay

(I barged in one day thinking nobot was there)

(That was just stupid on my part)

(I saw something that made me want to have Ironhide blast out my optics)

#43. Never make a musical out of the past 3 years *The first two movies if you catch my drift*

(The humans had tones fun with this)

(It became more of a parody that an accurate historical play unfortunately)

(Sam was Bumblebee, Tai was Blurr, Lennox was Ironhide, Mikaela was Arcee)

(Epps was the best, he was Rachet)

(All he did the entire play was smack everyone around with giant plastic wrench and yelled cybertronian swears, and hollered threats at the twins)

(Quite accurate really)

#44. Don't quote Monty Python

(The older bots love saying these)

(Why? I'll never understand)

*Its a flesh wound * (Rachet after Skids came to him with his arm detached, again)

*He must be a Prime, Why?, He hasn't got shit all over him* Optimus wasn't too please with that one, Kup and Magnus rock!

*I don't wanna talk to you no more, you empty headed decepticon food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! You mother was a tire and your father smelt of fumes! (Kup had too much fun with that one too)

#45. Don't say the following to get you out of trouble with both Primes, or Prowl

.It wasn't me, Nyx did it! (Frag you Skids and Mudflap)

.Primus said it would fine

.Didn't you hear? Today is *insert what you did* day, I'm simply celebrating it

.*Insert leader of autobot's name* said I could do it!

. The 'cons, they tricked me into doing it!

.Uhhh, *then run in opposite directions*

#46. Never allow humans to watch Cybertronian horror movies

(Sides had snuck into my room, and grabbed 'Offlined' for movie night)

(The humans decided to join in on the fun)

(Two hours later they were too scared to move)

(It was probably the part when the crazy mech stole his femme's spark right out of her chassis, while she was alive, and ate it, that scared them sparkless, or something thing else)

#47. Never let the following bots spark sit

.Lambo twins, chevy twins, and oddly enough Ultra Magnus

(Raise an army, lead it into battle and fight multiple decepticons, he can do that, but watch Sparrow and Annabelle for an hour? No fragging way)

#48. Never under any circumstances should you call Solara old, ever

(Here's what went down)

(Solara was cleaning out the hanger and had asked Skids and Mudflap for help)

(After moving a large crate of some sort, she strained her backjoints)

(The two began to tease her, but Skids had said the final comment)

('Aw leave her 'lone Flappy, we can't help if she's gettin' _old_.')

(When she turned she charged at them, cannons out and screaming like a deranged 'con)

(I have never seen her so pissed)

(It took Magnus, Optimus, Rachet, and Galea to calm her down)

(As for the twins?)

(Probably still fleeing the country at the moment)

#49. Don't ask humans what would they do for a Klondike bar

(Lennox-Sing Madonna's Like a Virgin, in front of the men while wearing a pinking dress with a feather boa)

(I have the video if anyone wants it)

(Sam-streak through the base when the president is there) (...)

(Tai- Play the Cruella De Vil song when ever Chromia is in the room) (That's just a death wish right there)

(Epps-Wearing a pair of stilettos for an entire day) (Ouch)

(The scary thing is, they all did it)

(Minty Klondike bars for all!)

#50. Once again, please no more animals on base, especially endangered ones!

(Sunny, I don't know where you got a Buffalo and I don't care, put it back!)

#51. Don't quote House

(This applies mostly to any medical bots or bots who dabble in medicinal needs, Galea, First Aid, Rachet, Wheeljack, and Jolt)

"Humanity is overrated."

"Treating illnesses is why we become doctors, treating patients is what makes most doctors miserable." (Rachet after Sunny and Sides landed in the medbay, again, and asked him why he became a doctor if he didn't like being around bots)

"I'm an insane genius." (First Aid)

"Pretty much all the drugs I perscribe are addictive and dangerous."

"This is why I created nurses, clean up isle three." (Galea, and First Aid don't appreciate those comments)

#52. Guardianship is a huge responsibility, please take it semi-seriously

(Ehhh, my fault, Bumblebee's and Barricade's)

(You would not believe how many times we have been lectured for being bad guardians)

(More so just because we encouraged or don't try to prevent our quaries from performing the stupid, and or reckless stunts, sometimes)

(Its fun, until they start bleeding, screaming in pain or have broken stuff, then they're on their own)

#53. Never ever attempt Evil Knievil tricks or stunts of any sort!

(There is a reason why he broke 433 bones in his life time)

(I pity his motorcycle)

(Epps wanted to try and jump over Sunny, Sides, and Bee on me)

(Pit NO!)

#54. Never play this songs when in battle with decepticons

.Why Can't We be Friends By Smash Mouth

(They hate this song with a burning passion)

(Caused Ravage to glitch out though, so bonus there)

#55. Opposite Day is strictly forbidden on the base

(Uh, you can figure it out)

#56. Please don't quote Kathy Griffin

(Primus knows she's funny, but Prowl thinks she is inappropriate)

(:p)

.So I wonder if anything should ever be off limits

.I was raised right...I talk about people behind their backs...its called manners

.Have I gone too far?

.So yes, I say things I regret constantly, and I just can't help it

.Try not to turn on me gays!

.Its called Trichotillomania!

(I would continue but Prowl is glaring)

(Probably cause I said 'Try not to turn on me gay bot')

#57. Be careful when joining the festivities of the Super Bowl.

(Will and Epps insisted the mechs learn how to play football)

(So they managed to drag, Sunny, Sides, Bluestreak, Barricade, Bee, Jazz, Ironhide, Magnus, and surprisingly Prowl and Optimus Prime too)

(I still have pictures too)

(The best one is where Sunny is under a dog pile consisting of Ironhide, Optimus, Magnus, and Jazz)

(But I know the question that is on all your minds, what were we femme's doing?)

(Who do you think were slutty cheerleaders?)

#58. Never continue to perform the Jackass medieval stunt

(Sides and I felt we needed to complete it)

(So we made wooden swords and began to have at it in the rec room)

(Its all fun and games till someone looses an optic, according to Rachet)

(I beg to differ)

#59. Never dare any human on base to chug two liters of Mountain Dew in an hour

(Sunny made this bet with Sam, who managed to do it)

(Oh that poor rec room)

#60. Never mess with any bots's holo-form

(Hehe, Sides wasn't to please to find out he had gotten a size D cup when he tried to flirt with some human girls, Sides didn't appreciate the pink colored skin, and Ironhide wasn't aware we had given him an afro)

(What can I say, Tai and myself were rather board that day, and that is a dangerous mix)

**Haha third chapter, p.s. the mountain dew thing happened in real life, my sister's friend did it and was shaking from so much sugar (our teacher sent her to the nurse to calm down, took 3 hours)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Yay chapter 4! Read on peeps! Oh and to those who wondering about any character pairings, Nyx is with Sunstreaker, Solara with Ultra Magnus, and I am debating is should have Rogue and Barricade together (lemme know if thats a yay or a nay)**

#61. Following rule number 42 please knock before entering any door on the base

(Magnus and Solara are still pretty fragged at me)

(I avoid eye contact as much as possible

#62. The following Disney songs are forbidden from the base

. The Ugly Bug Ball

. Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah

. Its a small world after all

. Heffalumps and Woozles

(Sunny used them for interrogation)

(For once I pitied Blackout)

#63. Never say the top 10 things to never say to your boss (i.e. Both Primes, Prowl, Ironhide, maybe Jazz)

*This isn't in the job description (Sunny after Optimus asked him to watch Sparrow and Techno)

*Not my problem (Ooo I got in soo much trouble for saying that one to Prowl)

*I don't get paid enough for this (Ironhide after a bad training session with the Chevy twins)

*Sigh (Never ever do this in front of Prowl!)

*That was a no-brainer

*I don't understand

*Its not my fault!

*Impossible-that can't be done

*Do I have to? (Solara hates this question with burning passion)

*Are there anymore benefits with this?

(Man you would not believe how short their tempers got when we said all 10 in one day)

(Lennox and Epps weren't happy when we went to them next)

#64. Don't play follow the leader

(Skids, Mudflap, and the other set of twins did this all day to both Primes, Jazz, and Prowl)

(It was funny to a certain point)

('I have to flush my tanks, unless you wish to witness this I suggest you get out')

(Solara said this to Skids and Mudflap when they insisted on following her everywhere)

#65. Prank calling informercial companies and speaking in different languages is not allowed

(But its funny to hear the poor person on the other side stutter and freak out)

(It got better when Sunny spoke Russian to a lady and she spoke it fluently)

(His face was priceless)

#66. Once again please do not perform anymore Jackass stunts

(I don't think we younger bots have quite learned our lesson)

(Prowl is making me list the ones we should never ever do again)

1. Indoor skiing (Don't ask me how we did it)

2. Rolling down a street in an over sized grocery cart while have chucks of rock and dirt shot at you. (The first movie was were it all began *smiles evily*)

3. Tropical Pole vaulting (Them plam trees gotta be used for something else but making the scenery look purdy)

4. Autobot bowling (Hehe, self explanatory)

5. Wheel chair rocket (Rachet was wondering where all the wheelchair had gone one day, not that he ever got them back)

6. The Gaunlet (We rode around ramps in our vehicle modes while the others tossed over stuffed sandbags at us)

(Ironhide and Rogue had sooooo much fun that day, since we appointed them official sand bag throwers along with Magnus, Hound, Mirage etc.)

7. Go around in golf carts and purposely crash into each other on a mini golf course (those who had guardian rode in their guardians, those who didn't, beware for your golf carts)

8. Sneak attack hair cut (this is one where take a razor to a person's hair)

(Lennox was nailed so many times)

(Epps was safe, cause according to him 'You can't nail the bald dude!')

9. Roller disco truck (We stole Optimus' trailer and Sunny and Sides pulled Sam, Tai, Leo, Sharsky, Fassbinder, and Miles)

(I place a video camera in there and we three watched as our human friends rolling around, getting more bruised than an apple in a school bag)

10. Running of the bulls (Lennox was mad at this one) (We stole his cattle and set them loose in the base)

(You would not believe how slagging funny it is to watch the soldiers, who fearlessly face 50 ft. decepticons, screaming from being chased down by a herd of cattle) (Rachet wasn't pleased either)

(He has now given Sunny, Sides, and myself new nicknames)

(I am Bam, Sunny is Johnny, and Sides is Steve-O, for obvious reasons)

(There is no such thing as failure)

#67. Along with follow the leader, Simon Says is forbidden

(It went from an innocent game to torture, to a dare feast of massive proportions)

('Simon says to tell Chromia she needs to loose weight')

('Simon says prank Prowl and blame it on Optimus')

('Simon says to steal and hide Ironhide's cannon's')

(I would go on, but guess whose glaring)

#68. If you are mad at a bunch of humans for pranking you, attacking them with paintballs is not allow

(Its was slightly satisfying to see them fall in pain, and hear their yells)

(Call me a sadist but it was worth the wait, and amount of paint balls I have)

(Wheeljack deserves the credit for the paintballs though)

#69. Wheeljack is forbidden from watching Mythbusters

(We don't not need him getting any other ideas)

(We have already lost several boats, microwaves, army cars, guns, ammo, etc.)

#70. Ninja is forbidden from the base

(The Lambo twins get rather violent with this game)

(Hands and legs have been removed, several times)

#71. Always have and or carry duck tape with you

(You never know when you need it)

(The mythbusters had given me a new idea for a prank which was soon performed on Ironhide)

(It was the one where the duck taped a car to a pole)

(I wasn't to concerned about running for my life, cause he was too busy trying to get loose)

(52 roles of duck tape people, and completely worth it)

#72. Learn Chuck Norris jokes, they are oddly popular with the humans

(The soldiers love them)

Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo hides

Chuck Norris wouldn't have a heart attack because his heart isn't stupid enough to attack him

Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret

Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.

(The last one is a personal favorite around the base, reasons being obvious)

#73. Limbo is banned from the base

(Bummer too, I was really good at the game)

(Poor Ironhide tried to do it)

(He bent over and some screeched, crack or something)

(No one could help him because we all were laughing too hard)

#74. The game of 'gotcha nose' is forbidden from the base

(Autobots noses are easily removed)

(Skids and Mudflap had the own private collection)

(Emphasis on had)

#75. Please don't quote Kim Possible

(Not matter awesome that show is!)

Boo-yah!(The Chevy twins have ruined that for me)

Whats the sitch? (Ohh I love saying that when we're called for a meeting)

I don't speak hysteric (I said this to Sunny after he was crying about his chipped paint job)

I just want a regular, normal, shallow hottie, preferably not too bright (Sunny was rather flattered when I said this)

Save the world. Its what I do and nobody's going to stop me (Optimus made my day when he said that)

You want proof? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE PROOF! (KT screamed this at Galloway after she had really long day)

#76. Singing "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves" is a bad idea when one is being driven by an autobot

(I tossed Sam off me when he began doing that)

(Poor Optimus had to deal with Tai, Leo, and Sam when he was taking them back to school)

(He was sent to have some alone time)

#77. Never say "I will eat your spark/heart" to the humans or autobots

('Offlined' still has some of the humans freaked out)

(It got even better when I said it to Rachet, but I was only mouthing it, Sides did the actual speaking for me)

(It was funny till I was rushed to the medbay for multiply scans)

#78. Never make your own set of Paradoxical Commandments

- The stupidity you have will be remembered foever, and will be used against you to wound your pride in the future, be stupid anyway

-Pranks can bodily harm, make mess's, or go completely wrong, perform pranks anyway

-Femmes can be illogical, unreasonable, confusing, and irritating. Love them anyway.

-Protect humans the best you can, and you still be accused for being 'strange aliens who want to take over the Earth'. Protect humans anyway.

-Your fellow warriors may be slagging fraggers with no commonsense, and ego's the size the Texas. Work with them anyway

-What you made spend creating over night, could be a complete and utter disaster when you try to test it. Creat anyways

(The last one was dedicated to Wheeljack, our beloved and insane scientist)

#79. Russian Roulette is absolutely and utterly forbidden from the base

(Red Alert nearly fried a processor when he saw me holding up paintball gun to my head)

(It was a paintball gun!)

#80. The following songs should never be played when Rogue is in the room

. Cruella De Vil by Disney

. Born This Way by Lady Gaga

. F*ck you By Lily Allen

. Run Devil Run by Girls Generation

. Gives you Hell by the All American Rejects

. Kiss with a Fist by Florence and the Machine

(I stayed at Epps house for a good month after I played the songs)

**Holy peanut butter balls, eighty rules! Geez, plot bunnies watch how far you hop! Enjoy and review!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Wow I made it to 100 rules, i am on a role people, enjoy!**

#81. Recording Megatron's voice and playing it over the loud speaker is a bad idea and strictly forbidden

(Oh that day was so close to becoming apocalyptic)

#82. Please don't quote Will and Grace (No matter how funny the show is)

*My love for you is like this scar, ugly, but permanent (Solara assuring Magnus of her love)

*By your inflection I can tell that you think what you're saying is funny, but... No

*It's not something you can just run away from, like a hotel bill or a crying baby. (Ironically Will was holding a crying Annabelle when that was said, and said 'If I could run away from this crying baby I would')

*Today I'm handing out lollipops and ass-whoopings and right now, I'm all out of lollipops (Rogue effectively scaring the Chevy twins)

*Does it hurt your back to kiss your own ass like that? (Sunny, your ego maniac ways and very sexy paint job, are not a good combo's)

*Welcome to Cynical Island, population: You

*B-I-G N-E-W-S, Big news! (I love yelling that when we have a meeting) (I even have a cheer for it)

#83. Never allow the younglings near any cosmetic products!

(Annabelle some how got a hold of Sarah's make up bag, and her olay anti-aging cream)

(Thinking it would help bots, she took the entire container and spread it all over Ironhide while in re-charge)

(When I asked her why she was doing it, she replied "Cause he's gonna look like a baby")

(I was dying when she said that)

#84. Never let the following bots out unaccompanied

. Skids and Mudflap

. Sunstreaker and Sideswipe

. Wheeljack

(You never know what, or who they will bring back to the base)

(Sunny came back with an out cold Johnny Depp in his back seat)

(Don't ask how, you don't wanna know, but apparently those two are best buds now)

(The paparazzi proved that much)

#85. Please don't quote pixar movie (unless the people/bots know the movie)

*I shall call him Squishy, and he shall be mine. And he shall be my Squishy. (Epps I love every bit of you)

*Well, aren't you the sweetest space toy I've ever met? (Maggie cracked me up when she said this to Hot Rod)

*Squirrel! (I'm not allowed in public parks anymore)

*You always, always say 'be true to yourself', but you never which part to be true to! (Ehhhh Sides I don't think thats what Optimus was trying to get across)

*To infinity and beyond! (Just fun to yell in general)

*He touched the butt (Sunny whispered this when he saw Ironhide doing something with Chromia)

*If your going to threaten me, do it properly (Sides that wasn't a good thing to say, especially to Ironhide)

*I like you temporarily (Oh those damned Chevy twins)

*South America, its like America only south (Sam explaining Earth's geography to Jolt)

#86. Please do not play the following over the PA

-Christmas songs (They are allowed only during the actual holiday, we don't like having to hear "All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth" over and over again)

-Megatron's voice (reference rule # 81 please for specifics)

-Farting noises

-The song "This is the song that never ever ends" (Ironhide got violent with Side and myself one day)

-The screams of certain mechs on base (I got the evil optics all day when I did that)

#87. Please don't quote the animaniacs

(Prowl hates it) (not that anyone listens)

*We protest to you calling us younglings. We prefer to be called 'vertically impaired pre-bots'. (The younger bots after Rachet told us to 'stop acting like younglings')

*In most cases, revenge is not a good thing. In other cases, its the only thing

*If I were a better person, I'd ignore him and go on with my life. But I'm not (Me after a nasty prank involving pink paint and Galloway)

*Tee Hee, curtsy laugh (Chromia likes saying that one, oddly enough)

*I'm not wearing any pants! (Sides yelled this during a meeting when Ironhide asked 'what was so special about this?')

*Woah, dumber than advertised (The soldier didn't appreciate that comment after I saw a 'Go Army' commercial)

*Nyx, I appoint you minister of girly things I don't understand (Oh Sides that covers a lot of ground)

*Hello Nurse! (Galea and Red Alert hate those comment from any mechs when they're in the medbay)

*Boys go fig (Moonracer and I love that comment!)

#88. Never placed a fake human inside Sunny when he's in recharge

(He freaked that someone was actually inside him, and screamed like a femme)

(Blackmail file category: Sunstreaker, complete)

#89. Please do not take Optimus' trailer without permission

(Skids and Mudflap thought it would be funny to take it out for an evening)

(When they came back, they looked smug)

(Which is usually a bad thing)

(Turns out they had filled to the brim with underwear)

(They appear to have an unhealthy obsession with this article of clothing)

#90. Never make your charges do your dirty work for you

(I made Epps take a crate of rabbits into Ironhide's room)

(What I didn't know is that they would chew everything, and I mean everything)

(He walked in and screamed, not because of the rabbits in his room, because the rabbits were chewing the wires in one of his cannons)

(I also didn't know that Ironhide has camera in his room)

(Epps and I spent the day hiding from said weapon's specialist)

#91. Never play the game "Boost Up"

(Its when you go behind someone when their bending over, and grab their butt/aft)

(Groping is optional)

(We younger bots did this all day)

(Sunny got me, Arcee, Jazz, and even Ironhide)

(But Sides had the best)

(He got Optimus, but that wasn't the best part)

(It was when he was being chased by Optimus in his alt-form and screaming like a femme that was the best part)

(Elita-1 was amused though)

#92. No swearing in front of Galea (Cybertronian or human)

(She will wash you mouth out with fluid cleaner)

(Seriously, she will, she has her own bottle set aside for it)

#93. The game 'would you rather' is forbidden as well

(Once again, it got turned into a dare feast of epic proportions)

('Would you rather tell Megatron he's a glitch head who can't do anything to save his life, or tell Prowl he needs a femme')

(Scary thing is, we all went with Megatron for this one)

#94. Silly putty is never ever to be brought onto base

(See we had watched the movie 'The Blob' and that got Sides and myself thinking)

(Which is never a good thing in general)

(We bought a lot of silly putty, and hung it over Red Alert's chair in the room)

(10 minutes later the sounds of Red Alert's screaming and blasting of his cannons echoed in the base)

(He refused to go back into the room, until every bit of putty was removed)

(Ah tears of laughter still comes to my optics when I think of it)

#95. Don't compare Optimus' voice to Eeyore's from Winnie the Pooh

(He refuses to see the similarities in the voices)

#96. Please whatever you do, don't use any pick ups lines

(They don't work *with the exception for Moonracer*)

(I made this list as a reference guide to what not to do instead of an actual rule)

*Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?

*Are those space pants? Cause your aft is outta this world!

*If I could rearranged the alphabet I'd put, U and I together

*Are you a tamale? Cause your hot!

*Hello, I'm a thief cause I'm gonna steal your heart

(These are only good to say to those whom you are in a real relationship with)

(Sides, I don't think Arcee quite appreciated the Space pants one)

(The dent in your helm proves that much)

#97. Never tell people the following facts

-Odontophobia is a fear of teeth

-According to suicide statistics, Monday is the favored day for self-destruction

-Karaoke means 'empty orchestra' in Japanese

-When humans die their hair still grows for a couple of months

-The most money ever paid for a cow was 1.3 million dollars

-American car horns beep in the tone of F

-The plastic thing on the ends of shoes are called 'aglets'

-Cats can hear Ultrasound

(Rachet has now made mandatory 'Monday Mentality tests' for us)

(I shockingly pass every time)

(The funny thing is Rogue didn't one time)

(Then again, Rachet did end up flat on his back when he tried to make her stay for therapy)

#98. Please do not make prank phone calls, especially on each other

(We managed to make Prowl glitch after pretending to be a gynecologist asking if he had scheduled his appointment for his STD check up)

(Rachet wasn't amused though)

#99. Never allow the following humans to teach new bots about the "the beauty of natural birth"

(I have never seen Bluestreaker so terrified)

(It was kind of funny to see his optics widen, and watch his head move to the sides as the video played)

#100. Never make sparklings do your dirty work for you

(This is now enforced because of the lambo twins)

(They convinced Sparrow to dognap Mojo, and leave him inside of a recharging Ironhide)

(The doors were locked too, we are all still amazed at how she did it)

(Oh the destruction that occurred that day, set a new record for Ironhide)

(Much to Optimus' and Solara's displeasure)

**Yay! 100 rules, p.s. the whole Eeyore Optimus thing is true cause Peter Cullen voices both those characters. Peace out!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Thanxs for all the reviews peeps! I appreciate it! P.s. I have nothing against blondes!**

#101. Don't take Round weed killer spray, tear off the label, and call it idiot removal spray

(I told both sets of twins it would melt their armor and them, if the spray got on them)

(It was fun to chase them around with it all day and threaten to spray them)

(Until Prowl confiscated it)

(Then again, he hasn't exactly told them that it isn't idiot removal spray)

(*Corks eyebrow suspiciously*)

#102. Wheeljack is forbidden from watching the following shows

. Jimmy Neutron Boy Genius

. Phineas and Ferb

. Mythbusters

. Animal Planet

(Once again the government does not appreciate it when things like their cars, tanks, boats, guns, and animal disappear)

#103. When spying on the decepticon's, don't prank them, it gives it away that your watching them

(This applies to myself and Mirage)

(We were suppose to find out what Megatron's next move against us was)

(We did, but I got bored and began to mess with Starscream, Ravage, Hook, and and the big Kahoona himself)

(Lets just say gay transformers porn, the color pink, sparkles, Celine Dion, and are now forbidden from the decepticon base)

#104. Rachet's tools are extremely off limits

(I have never seem him get so upset when Sides hid his favorite wrench)

#105. Karaoke nights are to be supervised, and not filmed

(Reasoning behind this rule is that when we all get together and have fun like that, the high grade tends to follow)

(We were all dying when Optimus and Magnus did a rendition of 'Single Ladies')

#106. Never dare Wheeljack to make a weapon out of something that is seminally harmless

(I laughed when Prowl said that CD's could prove to be potentially lethal, when I accidently made one fly out from th CD player)

(Wheeljack happened to overhear our conversation and got those creative juices going)

(Two hours later, Sunny and Sides were running away from Wheeljack, who in return, had created a weapon that shoots CD's out)

#107. Never try to explain the difference between warm-blooded and cold-blooded animals

(Bots just don't get it)

(Miles decided to have fun and say that animals in the arctic are cold blooded, while those in the desert are warm blooded)

(Confusion on mass scale)

#108. Setting up trip wires in main hallways is a forbidden!

(Oh there were so many trips to Medbay)

(I got every fall on tape though)

#109. There are many uses for duct tape, here are some times it should never be used *according to Rachet*

-Severed energon lines

-Sticking humans and or bots to things

-Fixing broken car parts (That includes broken autobot alt-form)

-Toilet paper

-Seat belts

-Handcuffs

-Making puppets, toys, dolls, etc.

-Muzzle

#110. Crying will not get you out of trouble

(Seriously it won't)

(I have tried multiple times)

(As has Sides)

#112. Never mess with any femmes during their deca-ornly cycle

(We tend to be slightly murderous)

(Rogue had hers a couple days ago, and managed to scare both sets of twins, Jolt, Jazz, Bluestreak, Jetfire, Hot Rod, Wheeljack, Bumblebee, Cliffjumper, Hound, Mirage, Perceptor, and Red Alert off the base)

(It was very quiet the next couple of days)

(Aren't you glad this happens for us every 20 weeks?)

(Too bad there are now over 8 femmes on the base)

(Wait till we being to synchronize with each other)

#113. No T.P-ing anything on the base

(That includes the base itself)

(We ran out of toilet paper, when Sunny and Side decided to do this one day)

#114. No educational kids shows are allowed to be watched on base

(Prowl's processor fritz when he saw Annabelle watching 'Bubble Guppies')

(Though 'Dragon Tales' has them interested)

(I wish, I wish, with all my heart, to fly with dragons, in a land apart.)

#115. Blonde jokes are fobidden from the base

(I don't get it, a genetic coding that give some people blonde hair, doesn't make that sect of the human species dumb)

(It just makes them, dofferent)

(Sarah and maggie are refusing to chat with me right now)

#116. Never for any reason if you are really, oh whats that human word... Horny, say you will jump the next bot that comes through the door.

(Oh KT that was just too much info)

(Funny thing is Wheeljack then entered the room)

(Both were not seen for the next two days)

*Shudders*

#117. Never send 'cons care packages

(The soldiers gave me this idea)

(I sent them loads of awsome stuff)

(Make-up, Glitter, nail polish, Cosmo,

(Scary thing, when Mirage and I went for a little recon, we them usung the stuff actually)

(Funny thing, Starscream was reading the cosmo)

(Oh the blackmail I got that day)

#118. The Barney song is not a form of interrogation!

(Everyone was quiet when we heard Skywarp's screams)

(When we asked Sunny what he did, he pulled out a recorder and played the song)

('I love you, you love me, We're one happy family')

(The record never did have the chance to finish)

(Ironhide made sure of that)

#119. 'I see London! I see France! I see *insert autobot/human name* underpants!'

(That was a fun day)

(Exceopt when general Morshower came and we yelled that to him)

(He replied with "I'm not wearing underpants, but a witty thong!')

(...ew)

#120. Pillow fights are fobidden

(Poor rec room)

(Don't ask how we got enough pillows)

(We managed to hijack a pillow truck)

(Yeah they ship stuff like that)

**Yay, 120 rules! Lemme know if ya haven any ideas! P.s. my re-write for a femmes war is up and take a peek if you like! Peace out!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Wow 140 rules, what are they doing on the base? Special thanxs to dragoness139 for some great ideas, you rule!**

#121. No sex jokes

(Though they are much funnier if you have a special someone to joke around with)

('Kiss my floppy disk!')

(But Sides made it better when he said, 'whats floppy about a disk?')

(Just mull it over people, it will come)

#122. Never play the following songs when bots/people enter the room

-Vaders Theme from Star Wars

-The Jaws theme

-Mission Impossible Theme

-Sexy Back by Justin Timberlake

(This is more for when Rogue, Ironhide, Rachet, or Galloway enter the room)

(Though I did managed to get Optimus with 'Sexy Back' when he entered the room)

#123. Super Glue has now become a forbidden substance from the base

(This happened after the Tai, Sam and Miles super glued, any recharging bots door closed)

(Poor Jolt, had to spend a week in the medbay getting unstuck)

#124. Do not quote Star Wars

May the force be with you (I still don't get it, what force are they talking about?)

I have a very bad feeling about this (Don't we all Red Alert?)

Size matters not (Hah! Barricade will never underestimate my shrimpyness ever again!)

Try not, do or not do. There is no try (I think Sam confused Jolt more then he actually helped)

What a piece of junk (Sorry Rachet)

This is Red 5, I'm going in (Sides yelled this when the decepticons were attacking)

#125. No one, I repeat no one is allowed to call Epps Baldie, but me!

(That is my special nick name for him!)

(Will, never do it again or I will tell everyone Ironhide's nickname for you)

#126. Don't attempt to give one another dead legs/arms

(I don't think it works really well on bots)

(That and the potential for collateral damages, and threat of flying wrenches is enough to make anyone freeze and think about it)

#127. Please if your going to throw colored smoke, watched were your aiming it!

(Epps, Will)

(They ordered two planes to launch grenades at the cons, and I was fighting right next to them)

(Not my best throw my peds, you little monkey! I was right next to you!)

#128. Don't call humans monkeys

(They find it awfully offensive)

(But Rachet was one who said there was only a two percent difference between the two, not me!)

#129. Don't switch off the hot water heater on the base

(Likely result: Both bots and humans will be out looking for you with a death sentence)

(Not that I would know)

#130. Never say Rogue or Ironhide should take anger management classes

(Just don't, if you want to live to see the next joor)

(Oh Rachet, why?)

#131. Never enter any autobot in a car show

(Optimus, Ironhide, and Prowl were not impresses)

(But for the record Jazz and Sunstreaker were highly flattered)

(Until Optimus won the best paint job prize)

(When in doubt, Flame out!)

#132. Never rig the fire alarm in the base to go off 10 min intervals

(I know its cruel, but I can't help but giggle when Red Alert jumps at the sound)

(Oh the things we do to that paranoid bot)

#133. Playing Monkey in the middle with the human as your object of possession is forbidden

(Its not my fault Miles landed on his head!)

(Sam told me that happened to him a lot as a youngling, so it should be normal)

#134. The armory is strictly off limits unless anything in there is actually needed

(The twin got in trouble after the decided to 'improve' a tank)

(I don't think painting the words 'the con crusher' on it is going to improve our moral)

#135. Please do not quote the following

Excuse me, have you seen my sanity? I think it lost it

(You know Red Alert, admiting you have a problem is the first step to recovery)

Thee are three kinds of people: Those who can counts, and those who can't

(Got Prowl to glitch out on that on :D)

I'm going to put an end to my procrastination...tomorrow

Taste the rainbow-eat crayons!

(Bad choice on Sam's parts, Annabelle was convinced she would taste the rainbow)

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder

(Rachet I don't think Blurr wanted to know that)

#136. Never yell "The Decepticon's are attacking!" to wake people/bots up

(Full scale response with armed tanks that are used for no reason: A couple million dollars)

(Seeing Ironhide's reaction at no con's to explode: Priceless)

#137. Hacky Sack is a big no-no on the base

(Sam was attempting to teach us this one day)

(It ended up us falling around and kicking each other)

(The ball is so small!)

(Though I will admit, Bumblebee is amazing at it)

#138. 'You may have won the battle but I will win the war!'

(Not likely Sunny, not likely)

#139. Please do not quote Ice Age, any of the movies

Bad juju! (Simmons did this when he pointed to Charlotte Mearing entering the building)

Parents: Please do not leave your children unattended. All unattended children will be eaten. (Tai and Sarah stared at Jolt when he yelled that)

I don't think her tree goes all the way to the top branch. (Oh Moonracer, so pretty, so oblivious)

You ain't savin' the species TONIGHT, or any OTHER night. (Thanks for sharing Rogue, I'm sure Barricade appreciates it)

I just did something involuntary... and messy. (Epps) (I don't wanna know what he did)

Why do I gotta be the platypus? Make him the platypus. (Once again Wheeljack is demanding for an animal, and Rachet said make Sides or Sunny his pet)

C'mon, Grandpa its time to go! (Ironhide did not appreciate that comment)

#140. When thinking about bodily harming anyone, remember those who also want to harm them, and are the same species, get dibs

(This applies to Galloway, Mearing, and Megatron)

(Always have a witness around as well when declaring this)

**Yay! Another chapter! BTW I saw the third movie! Such epicness that is know as Transformers 1 3 and 3, I was blow away! Tah-tah!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Yay, next chappie posted. Thanxs all for the reviews, and feel free to shoot out ideas! Enjoy :)**

#141. Please don't take autobot's shopping

(Sam and Miles thought it would be fun to take myself, Bumblebee, and Bluestreak to Walmart)

(While they were busy checking out, Bluestreak grabbed a box of condoms from the shelves and asked the older lady behind us what they were)

(As you humans would put it 'major sweat drop moment')

#142. Please do not ask Prowl the following questions

(This is actually more for Rachet, he is getting sick of having to reboot Prowl when he glitches)

*Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

*Can fat people go skinny-dipping?

*Whats the speed of dark?

*Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

*If your sending some one styrofoam, what is it packaged in?

(I would continue but a Wrench is looming up ahead)

#143. For the sake of your health, and that of others, never ever tell Ironhide he is loosing his touch

(All I had to say to Sunny, run and pray Primus favors you today)

(Ironhide now has a new and improved moving target)

(Here's a hint, its yellow)

#144. Just because your a human or a commanding Autobot, do not think you are free to cuss as much as you like

(Ironhide had the guts to say 'The Effing no good weak titty slagger, went and fragged up the entire mission." in front of Galea)

(She had him down in a matter of moments, and choking on fluid cleaner)

(Just imagine this for a moment, the huge hulking weapon's specialist taken out by a petite femme medic, and washing his mouth out to boot)

(Rachet may have his Wrenches, but Galea has her fluid cleaner)

#145. Harry Potter Puppet Pals and the Mysterious Ticking Noise is forbidden

(Skids and Mudflap played this all day)

(They then made a different version in which they replaced the character names with autobots names)

(Severus=Ironhide, Dumbledore=Sideswipe, Ron Weasley=Ultra Magnus, Hermione=Jazz, Harry Potter=Optimus Prime, Voldemort=Prowl)

(Needless to say that copy was burned)

#146. Never say the following to either Prowl or Barricade

.Hey, you must've been doing at least 125 to keep up with me, good job

.You are a cop? I thought you were one of the village people

.Bad Cop, not donut!

.No, you assume the position

.What do you mean have I been drinking? Your the trained specialist

(These jokes get real old real fast)

#147. Never have any autobot play the 'Maze Game Prank'

(Jazz screamed like a full out femme)

(Ironhide was no fun, he just blasted Leo's computer to bits)

(Leo: Nooooooooooooooooooo)

(Tech boy has lungs)

#148. If Wheeljack or Perceptor have a gun of some sort just sitting around, don't even think of touching it!

(Sunny and Sides aimed at Prowl)

(Turns out it was a gender bending gun)

(Femme-Prowl is scary)

(When I asked Perceptor why he made it, he burst in to tears and sobbed "I was lonely")

(...)

#149. People I am now giving you the proper definition for funsucker, so please do me a favor and use it properly

Funsucker (N)- person/bot who sucks the fun out of life; a party pooper; a goodie too-shoes; Prowl)

(Getting the jist yet?)

#150. If Sam's parents are visiting, and Frankie and Mojo are with them, please keep Sunstreaker and Ironhide on the opposite side of the base

(Odds are violence will occur between Judy and the two)

(I place my bets on Judy to win)

#151. 'I could kill you 18 different ways with a paper clip'

(Que, Dino, and Brains just kinda stared at me when I announced this)

#152. Please do not quote NCIS

(Turns out Barricade has a secret passion for the show)

*For a crew that doesn't do a lot of drugs, you sure do a lot of drugs (NEST soldiers really don't appreciate us picking on them...weak titties!)

*Your suppose to be dead (Que and Jazz's first conversation)

*I can't wait to measure your liver (Rachet thats gross)

#153. Sharpies are henceforth banned from the base

(Uncap what's inside)

(Lets just say, myself, Tai, and Sam most certainly did)

(Much to Rogue's annoyance)

#154. Saying 'Pardon my french' will not get you out of trouble for swearing

(Nice try Sides)

#155. Never ever under any circumstance watch 'Two girls one finger"

(The horror, the horror!)

#156. Don't make a list in which you suggest and or force people/ bots to say the following

Stand back, I'm now going to try...SCIENCE (Wheeljack)

Leadership involves finding a parade and getting in front of it (Optimus)

Some people are alive because because its illegal to kill them (Ironhide)

Now you know, and knowing is half the battle (Lennox, Epps, Or Moreshower)

There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as your insightful about it (Sunny)

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three (Sides)

Primus heals, doctors take the fee (Rachet)

#157. It is forbidden to attempt any of the following MacGyver tricks

(the soldiers are huge fans of the show)

*Diffuse a bomb with a paper clip (The older bots have now forbid me from having paper clips in the vicinity)

*Make a Car drive itself (This is definitely **not** to be done on autobots!)

*Fifty cent arch welder (Rachet is overly fond of this trick)

*Cracking a safe with a Telephone handset

*Hotwiring a phone to listen to another call in another room (This also can be used to hack into other autobot coms)

*Pinecone land mines (Oddly enough the Decepticons were surprised when Skids and Mudflap used them)

(Remember people energon is explosive, and combined with pinecones and pine pitch, well the results were pretty good)

(But Primus those two wouldn't stop gloating!)

#158. Don't try to speak like the Swedish chef on the Muppet Show

(Bee Downloaded the dictionary, and spoke like him for the entire day)

("Prool is a stoopeed gleetch heed!')

(I don't think translation is necessary for this one)

#159. Never see how many times you can get Prowl to Glitch in one day

(Sunny:10, Sides:12, Tatyana:15, Me:13)

(Winner was proclaimed, Glitcher of the World)

(Quite an accomplishment really)

#160. Please do not quote the Big Bang Theory

(OMG that show is epically funny)

.Gravity thou art a heartless bitch

.That's no reason to cry. One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid, and that makes me sad

.For the record, I do have genitals. They're functional and aesthetically pleasing.

.Sunny, you don't want to get into it with Wheeljack. The guy's one lab accident away from being a super villain.

.You know, I'm really glad you decided to learn English. Why? Once you're fluent, you'll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me.

**(Yay another chapter! Please review and lemme know what you think!)**


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